Lost for words sometimes. Have you ever felt as though you finally knew exactly what you wanted and the steps that you needed to get there? Then the few people that you expected to support you were the ones who really wanted to break you. I'm a very nice person, would do any and everything for someone if I could. Until now. Sometimes you have to get yourself where you want to be before you try and do for others. Don't get me wrong, I would more then love to help those who would truly appreciate and need it, but you can't always do that. I have been through my share of experiences, and one of the things I keep forgetting is to focus on making yourself a better person then I was yesterday. I would keep giving everyone the benefit of the doubt and every single time it's been a slap in the face.Even the people that I felt had my back. Now I have a couple who feel as though im bitter, and a ticking time bomb ready to explode, but im a lot more calm then I was when I was younger. I express myself a lot more, and I have no problem telling someone where they can go...but in a respectful way, still trying to be a role model to those watching. I've learned that some, if not most people are going to think of you what they want, even if you let them know different. You just have to be strong enough to know who you are and what you plan on making of yourself. I'm one of the many people who learned that you just can't please everyone, not everyone is going to like you, and there is always going to be someone who has to be negative. You just have to be strong enough to handle it. I've learned that once you can handle little things like that...life is so much easier and stress free, trust. I know it's easier said then done, but when someone says or does something that you know would not be right, create space. Some people learn how valuable you are when you're gone. If they still don't come around just stay distant, clearly you didn't matter enough for them to get their act together.I know i'm kind of all over the place, but this is how I like to vent. I find ways to clear my head and put myself at ease. #SelfAngerManagementControl. Like I was saying, after everything I've been through, and all the people that I reached my neck out, I realized more then half of them would'nt help me if they hit the lotto, won a trip around the world and had mega money to spare. Last year(2009) was the ending note to all foolishness for me. I'm a very quiet person, so I pay close attention, I remember everything that's been said and done to me. I'll always forgive, but I will never forget what was done. I see no reason in holding grudges because I do believe people can change for the best just as quick as they can change for the worst, but in saying that I'm also evolving into a stronger person. I don't deserve to be treated without respect so I wont. I'm so much more comfortable in my skin and I finally love myself. I don't need anyones praise because I know what I'm doing for myself, but I do appreciate all forms of appreciation. I'm finally happy, and I love it! I want the same feeling to run through everyones veins =)
